After It All

As quickly as the wind blows
As fast as the sun comes and goes
The same as our laughter comes
The way our feeling flow
He is my favorite friend
The only one I cared to know
And all I am to him
Is a long time friend
who he has no reason to let go
Maybe his obligation to my dedication
overwhelms his heart
Maybe he realizes and understands my reason
For loving him right from the start
Or maybe he just hides his pity
for my loyalty for my protection
Even when we lose touch
We never treat each other different
Even when we think we've had enough
We meet others interest
Again
Even if I dont get what I want from him
All I have to lose is his indifference
He taught me to use sarcasm as a defense
A challenge to those with no common sense
You want a response to the jokes you make
I am the queen of sarcastic soul pinching
I return his favor and make him an offer
Giving him appeal, class and honor
For me, it seemed I could never be satisfied without a fight
So who better to test my appetite
It seems we were not meant to lead anywhere
Just a tutorial, just evens out our playing field
Why did u put me here
When all I wanted to be .. was there...

"Mirrors Stand Still"
by Matoaka

look me in the mirror
tell me what you see
does it tell the story
inside of me

where's the truth
when everything is lost
where's the passion
when everything is gone

why am i kept hidden
under a dim light
when everything in me
is searching for a fight

how can there be golden
when there was no bronze
where is the reflection
that can do me no harm

crimson fury
buried in pain
blazin beauty
covered in shame

laughter escapes
my sore throat
holding back tears
while i'm their scapegoat

where were you
when you were me
where were you
when I was in need

struggling through
somewhat alone
now that this passion
cannot be condoned

its the beginning of a day
where the night is endless
the light gives way
to a past that wont be missed

look into my mirror
let me tell you what i see
nothing but riches and hope
welcoming back opportunity



***written sometime ago....

I havent updated in such a long time. I've really never been this busy before in my life. It goes to show you how NOT busy I really was last year.

To give a run down of my life at the moment: 21 credits.. yep. 21, 7 classes a whole lot of late nights. And it's not like I cant drop a class, but I really would prefer to get the shit out the way. At the moment actually I should be at lab doing my CAR assignment.

I just read something that made me a bit concerned. I can't believe how many times I've had the arguement with myself as to how I should handle grudges. Once I think I'm over something, it rears it's ugly head and I get hot headed again. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but I've always thought to at least try to be friendly to all. You never know when you might need them in the future.

But I noticed that once your opinion on someone is fixed... thats it. They can either reinforce it, or keep in moving.

I don't like grudges. I love the people in my life. I just wish I made better choices as to how to feel about them. I hope they understand.

-Zulay