"Mirrors Stand Still"
by Matoaka
look me in the mirror
tell me what you see
does it tell the story
inside of me
where's the truth
when everything is lost
where's the passion
when everything is gone
why am i kept hidden
under a dim light
when everything in me
is searching for a fight
how can there be golden
when there was no bronze
where is the reflection
that can do me no harm
crimson fury
buried in pain
blazin beauty
covered in shame
laughter escapes
my sore throat
holding back tears
while i'm their scapegoat
where were you
when you were me
where were you
when I was in need
struggling through
somewhat alone
now that this passion
cannot be condoned
its the beginning of a day
where the night is endless
the light gives way
to a past that wont be missed
look into my mirror
let me tell you what i see
nothing but riches and hope
welcoming back opportunity
***written sometime ago....
Friday, October 28, 2005
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
I havent updated in such a long time. I've really never been this busy before in my life. It goes to show you how NOT busy I really was last year.
To give a run down of my life at the moment: 21 credits.. yep. 21, 7 classes a whole lot of late nights. And it's not like I cant drop a class, but I really would prefer to get the shit out the way. At the moment actually I should be at lab doing my CAR assignment.
I just read something that made me a bit concerned. I can't believe how many times I've had the arguement with myself as to how I should handle grudges. Once I think I'm over something, it rears it's ugly head and I get hot headed again. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but I've always thought to at least try to be friendly to all. You never know when you might need them in the future.
But I noticed that once your opinion on someone is fixed... thats it. They can either reinforce it, or keep in moving.
I don't like grudges. I love the people in my life. I just wish I made better choices as to how to feel about them. I hope they understand.
-Zulay
To give a run down of my life at the moment: 21 credits.. yep. 21, 7 classes a whole lot of late nights. And it's not like I cant drop a class, but I really would prefer to get the shit out the way. At the moment actually I should be at lab doing my CAR assignment.
I just read something that made me a bit concerned. I can't believe how many times I've had the arguement with myself as to how I should handle grudges. Once I think I'm over something, it rears it's ugly head and I get hot headed again. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but I've always thought to at least try to be friendly to all. You never know when you might need them in the future.
But I noticed that once your opinion on someone is fixed... thats it. They can either reinforce it, or keep in moving.
I don't like grudges. I love the people in my life. I just wish I made better choices as to how to feel about them. I hope they understand.
-Zulay
Monday, May 23, 2005
Dear Zulay,
Here is your horoscope
for Sunday, May 22:
It's not your imagination. They're trying to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do, and if subtle tactics don't work, they'll try something more obvious. Better nip it in the bud.
He said, she said....
Summer session 1 is going to prove to be the true testament of being alone. Solitude is a fear I have more so because I don't want to be alone, much less die alone. I have alot of balance within me, were if I start thinking about the way i live, I end up thinking about my fatality too. On top of the feeling of loneliness, even if I wanted to not be alone, the events within the last 48 hours have took a toll on my trust again.
This time last week, I feared this feeling that I have. That feeling that you can be in a dorm full of people and still feel alone. It's common amoung this parts to feel this way, I've been told by many of those who have had to endure Summer in Syracuse. Fortunately or not, I'm done with people anyway. You try so hard to live a drama-free, and honest life, and yet somwhere along the line, you are faced with a decision that will make a or break ur relationship with people. I feel like every new person you let enter your life, another person in your life takes the risk of sharing your time, or worst of all, takes the risk of losing their place in ur life. Is it possible to have a fixed number of people in your life?
Why does it have to come down to, there's two people in my life, One says one thing, the other says something else. One of you is lying. One of you could be misunderstood, or one of you is just a simple idiot. I like the latter, but apply to both.
anyway u put it though, both of you aren't being honest with me. I never got why honesty is so hard to come by with people. I'm no saint, and I don't act like I never lie, but with matter of the heart and soul, I find that I can't lie. Omitting the truth is just as bad in this situation.
People in general are expecting too much out of me. So how about i just retreat for a bit? I'm sorry I cant ever find time to just do what I have to do to keep people happy. unfortunately, for a few years now people being happy with me has taken a backseat to me being happy with me. And I'm still not.
"If I never knew you, I'd have lived my whole life through... lost forever.... if I never knew you"
.. NOT
Have a nice day
-Zu
Here is your horoscope
for Sunday, May 22:
It's not your imagination. They're trying to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do, and if subtle tactics don't work, they'll try something more obvious. Better nip it in the bud.
He said, she said....
Summer session 1 is going to prove to be the true testament of being alone. Solitude is a fear I have more so because I don't want to be alone, much less die alone. I have alot of balance within me, were if I start thinking about the way i live, I end up thinking about my fatality too. On top of the feeling of loneliness, even if I wanted to not be alone, the events within the last 48 hours have took a toll on my trust again.
This time last week, I feared this feeling that I have. That feeling that you can be in a dorm full of people and still feel alone. It's common amoung this parts to feel this way, I've been told by many of those who have had to endure Summer in Syracuse. Fortunately or not, I'm done with people anyway. You try so hard to live a drama-free, and honest life, and yet somwhere along the line, you are faced with a decision that will make a or break ur relationship with people. I feel like every new person you let enter your life, another person in your life takes the risk of sharing your time, or worst of all, takes the risk of losing their place in ur life. Is it possible to have a fixed number of people in your life?
Why does it have to come down to, there's two people in my life, One says one thing, the other says something else. One of you is lying. One of you could be misunderstood, or one of you is just a simple idiot. I like the latter, but apply to both.
anyway u put it though, both of you aren't being honest with me. I never got why honesty is so hard to come by with people. I'm no saint, and I don't act like I never lie, but with matter of the heart and soul, I find that I can't lie. Omitting the truth is just as bad in this situation.
People in general are expecting too much out of me. So how about i just retreat for a bit? I'm sorry I cant ever find time to just do what I have to do to keep people happy. unfortunately, for a few years now people being happy with me has taken a backseat to me being happy with me. And I'm still not.
"If I never knew you, I'd have lived my whole life through... lost forever.... if I never knew you"
.. NOT
Have a nice day
-Zu
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)