After nearly a year of silence, I've decided it's time to continue to express myself and start blogging again. Somehow I feel as if everyone always says they don't have time for this, that and the other. However ... I doubt the majority of people are really that important that they have to be so busy, at all time. This includes myself.

I will revive my blog by talking about an incident that I'm certain has happened to more than one person on my friends list. After a night of near-gluttony at the Olive Garden with a "best-ie" of mine (read: a friend I actually don't have to pretend to like at any given point) I came home around 8:30PM. It was already dark and the streets have cleared of the high school dramatics and piraguas stands. I was jamming to Jay-Z - "Excuse Me Miss Again" and as I approached my block, I proceeded with the routine.

The Routine. That thing you do when you know you need to be slightly more aware of your surroundings because dangers await. I realize I just sounded like my mother with that last statement - but I dare someone to tell me they don't know someone close that has gotten mugged.

As I clutched my bag a little closer, I pulled one earphone from my ear. As I approached the middle of the block, in one swift motion pull out my keys from the side pocket of my purse, while turning my head slightly to check if anyone is around me. Depending on who is walking on the block I am I will decide if I want to let that person pass me in order to not have my back to them.

I try not to jingle my keys to not draw attention to myself, and as I approach the door I again take a sweep of the area to see who is around. If I can see someone entering the building when I'm a block away - I usually slow down. I don't do well with small talk with my neighbors - lets just say it's never an easy conversation for me. Doesn't an elevator ride to like the 4th floor take an eternity when you are riding with someone you used to see carrying a Dinasour backpack at the age of 5, who now carries a boxcutter.

So again, there are just things you do in order to not place yourself in a risky situation. Today there was a guy that sort of snuck up behind me and came in with me. He wearing baggy jeans, plain black sneakers, a oversized black hoodie, with the hood up and sunglasses on his face. My first order of business? I positioned my keys in my hands so that the sharpest one is pointing outward and ready for an attack. I do not take the elevator, and start climbling the stairs which in my defense - I do anyway in efforts to excercise wherever possible to lose my miami diet momentum.

As my heels tap up the top of the stairs of the 2nd floor, my heart started to race as I realized Mr. Sunglasses in the Rain is Cool start walked up the stairs behind me. Probably to reassure me of his harmlessness he did not race up the stairs but took his time as I quickened my step. When I reached the 3rd floor, one more floor to go, I exhaled completely as Mr. Sunglasses shut his door closed on the 2nd floor.

Honestly, I don't mean to have to stereotype his look - but he has to understand that his appearance says something about it. He could have been St Elizabeth's head priest or whatever, but who is ever going to consider you seriously if you dress like like that? I am not going to apologize for my routine, because despite living on my block for over 20 years - and however comfortable I may feel overall in my neighborhood - I can't be stupid. Because when I'm wearing my business suit - suddenly my stock for robbers goes up. Now, does this mean I'm not supposed to look sharp for work because of the fear of exposing the fact that I'm not completely without cash? It's such a catch 22.

I accept my own stereotype (like if you are going to let your breasts hang out your shirt, are you really not inviting someone to pull them out? :-P) - can these guys accept their own?

Just a thought ...
Zulay

After It All

As quickly as the wind blows
As fast as the sun comes and goes
The same as our laughter comes
The way our feeling flow
He is my favorite friend
The only one I cared to know
And all I am to him
Is a long time friend
who he has no reason to let go
Maybe his obligation to my dedication
overwhelms his heart
Maybe he realizes and understands my reason
For loving him right from the start
Or maybe he just hides his pity
for my loyalty for my protection
Even when we lose touch
We never treat each other different
Even when we think we've had enough
We meet others interest
Again
Even if I dont get what I want from him
All I have to lose is his indifference
He taught me to use sarcasm as a defense
A challenge to those with no common sense
You want a response to the jokes you make
I am the queen of sarcastic soul pinching
I return his favor and make him an offer
Giving him appeal, class and honor
For me, it seemed I could never be satisfied without a fight
So who better to test my appetite
It seems we were not meant to lead anywhere
Just a tutorial, just evens out our playing field
Why did u put me here
When all I wanted to be .. was there...

"Mirrors Stand Still"
by Matoaka

look me in the mirror
tell me what you see
does it tell the story
inside of me

where's the truth
when everything is lost
where's the passion
when everything is gone

why am i kept hidden
under a dim light
when everything in me
is searching for a fight

how can there be golden
when there was no bronze
where is the reflection
that can do me no harm

crimson fury
buried in pain
blazin beauty
covered in shame

laughter escapes
my sore throat
holding back tears
while i'm their scapegoat

where were you
when you were me
where were you
when I was in need

struggling through
somewhat alone
now that this passion
cannot be condoned

its the beginning of a day
where the night is endless
the light gives way
to a past that wont be missed

look into my mirror
let me tell you what i see
nothing but riches and hope
welcoming back opportunity



***written sometime ago....