I have a tendency to make things mine despite it's appropriateness.

It's been an interesting Beginning of the year as i venture into new ground with myself. Taking a look back at the year, I don't think I've ever had such a long ass year. Starting with the feeling of semi independence, never thinking twice about anyone being in my life, and still utter confusion about my major.

After the New Year's celebration of 2004 died down, I had to face the sorrow of letting go of two people in my life that hold the majority of my good times in college, losing them to London. A place I've only dreamt & heard about, only getting as close as a ticket confirmation to actually going. As Ray and Michelle headed to their foreign adventures of euros, pubs and hot guys/girls, I headed into my second relationship with Jose, full blast, everything out in the open ... our semester of 3 day breakups behind us. I got closer with Justine who would become my housemate, Beth, who would soon leave to a much needed escape from "sorry-cuse," Monique, Robin, who would leave me for London too, and of course, enter into LUCHA full blown.

Being in Syracuse without Ray was quite a transition indeed, despite his MIA status the semester he was actually here. I always said, despite him doing him, it was always nice to know that when midterms kicked hard, i can bitch to him, when my bday came I had the opportunity to see him and when his bday came, I had the chance to pound him, lol. For years, (7 to be in exact), no one has rolled eyes at me more than ray has, and for some reason, I was going to miss that. Michelle of course, there's no one else that can compare to our late night sessions of cock-bashing, -30 degree walks to chinook in nothing but a tank top, and kimmel breaks in Newhouse.

The first semester of last year consisted of adjustment. Majority of my time filled up by Jose, when I did take opportunity to chill with others, it occured to me how much of myself i still have'n't explored. My other sexuality itching to come out, my true indifference to weed and of course, trying it for the first time, and my Public Relations job taking up more interest in my life than ASPIRA ever did. It was semester of fake smiles, empty weekend satisfied only by the warmth of the man next to me, and trying to develop a closer friendship with others that my impatience self can't do fast enough.

Then the summer time can 8-). I had my first A in Computer Science.... ever .... Ray n Mich were coming back ( eventually, right Ray? ), and a summer fullfill with 40 hour a week paychecks. of course, with every good thing there's a bad.

My relationship that I'd grown ridiculously accustomed to for 4 months finally came to it's turning point. He was graduating and I was just learning objects. Though I say we broke up in May, our emotions kept our fights and struggles intact well into the fall.

Lessons (Haiku)
choosing to love me
is just like counting the stars
captive, but crazy

Despite all that, I had the crappiest time working in McD's for the first month, but it paid my first months rent, lol. Now that Jose had got back to syracuse to finish wat he started and I had a new place to hang out and meet people, it was the beginning of a fresh start. As with most jobs, it was quiet for me at first, but with time, everyone there were mad cool, and I already had a crush ;-) in CR. moving on physically is seperate from moving on emotionally ... of course. There was a slight detour with my trip up to Syracuse with Monique and Ray, that would of course, be the cause of the demise of a few friendships. Jose and I decided to take a friendship to a whole new level, lol.

Jose and Ray expressing their love for me in our Summer Trip to da Cuse, touching aint it?

ANd of course, we cannot forget the Memorable Harold and Kumar movie that never made fast
food the same again. We saw it in Syracuse during our trip, and when ray and i got home, the only thing we could think of doing? Going to White Castle, so we made the journey to 125th, east side, from da bronx

Ray satisfying his White Castle Crave



Kumar and I sharing a moment at White Castle

Then came the working age of Charlotte Russe (CR).

CR had provided me with the simple luxury of starting over in a whole new environment, a glimpse of what I can do in Syracuse, a place where I'm more comfortable. CR, a retail store was the #1 CR store in the country. I came into the most competitive, fastest stellar sellers in the country, and I was striving to make my place in a world full of fashion, fake smiles, and pretend knowledge of color schemes.

Not only that, it gave me some money in the pocket to party with my boootyful friends :-)

Tipsy on the train on a hot summer day

All in all, despite late night conversations fulled with tears and laughter, that summer was an adventurous one indeed.

Fall 2004

I sometimes like to put titles on things that happen in my life "The Era of ..." "The Beginning of ...", personally i like to overuse the word Era.

This semester was the semester of truths. THe harsh realities of wat life can really throw at you when you get careless. I won't go into it because i don't like reminicing about bad stuffus, but wat came out of it, was a stronger me... i think. My self control went from non exisent, to high on guard. My typical heart break was more of a soul breaking, and of course, the infatuation gone mad ... might be still going ...

along with the ultimate shoula woulda couldas. If only I had known what could have been...

Ironically, i have less memories to share this past semester than the summer and spring... but i think it'sunderstandable...

SO LONG FOLKS!
Zulay