"Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don’t miss you yet"
Three Days Grace - "Everything About You"

I came home because I was tired of being reminded of everything that happened this semester. I'm tired of being so stressed about bills, and boys, and business. It's not like I can help myself, you know? It's difficult to control your actions when there's so much thats tempting to touch. iPod's, green guys, tree huggers, SA funding, etc. Car accidents, black-outs and the introduction of Tequila.

So, Ray, Sarah, Michelle and I experienced a lovely accident on Friday night. We were all ok and the biggest pain of the night was not only the bitch that hit us being a complete ass about it, but being the hospital for hours afterwards. Not that I really needed to go, but I could hear my mother's head in the back of my mind.

I haven't been open with my mom as of late, like I had planned to.... but at the same time, she's never known so much about me since I was kid. My mom has no idea of the shit *note, not drama, SHIT* that I went through this semester. My acedemic situation, my emotional situation, and my health situation. But at the same time.... she knows everything else. She knows about my organization and how much I really don't want to see it falter. She knows about the car accident, and about my gentlemen situation and all that, but there are alot of blanks that I never filled in. Everything intertwines, and though she knows about as much as everyone else looking from the outside in, I know she knows there's alot more things deep into my situaion that I refuse to let go. It's hard to tell your mom the mistakes you make as an adolesence. Of course reflective of our relationship as mother and daughter, and also how I am with most of the word. I won't bother you with a burden of mine if not needed. People used to hate it when I'd be hate on my period when i be on the pill and not tell them until i get my period. Wat the fuck is the point of having us both worry? relax! let me deal with it myself.... i'll let u in when the time is right.

btw, i am late again. I guess even on the pill, my body refuses to be regular!!! lol

Freaking, I'm so tired of myself and the way I behave. Fortunately, I do have alot more motivating me NOT to do bad things. But I don't think it's enough... shit, can i stop whining and move on with my life? chalk it up and add it to the board of life, then move on!

I was looking at jose's xanga (shh, dun tell him lol) and he has this nice little thingie where you tell 15 people things you'd wanna tell them and mention any names, and I thought to myself... isn't that what we normally do on xanga anyway? just not listed and not at once? lol. Then i though, shit do i even have 15 people in my to tell shit to? :-\ how depressing. But i think i came up with them. If you can figure out with is your u get a prize!! lol

Fifteen People

1. It's amazing how two people can be so distant with each other, but pick up right were we left off every single time. WHenever one of us rings it's always a delightful surprise ;-). Whenever we do talk, we have this stupidly amazing conversation, which we're both able to catch up on each other's lives cutting out thebullshit in a way i haven't figured out with anyone else. Looking forward to our next adventure :-)

2. From being practical strangers, and me nearly wanting to resent you for the rest of my life, things sure have changed between us. I couldn't have asked for anything better between us though. I guess age did us well huh? ilu "watever tommorrow brings, i'll be there"

3. I've never forgtton the times we've had, the experiences we shared, and how great it was to just be with you. Despite what everyone may or may not says about our relationship, past or present, I never lost sight of the beauty we could have had. Unfortunately pride, insecurity and fear got the better of us, and to this day still is. I can only hope that time will be kind and see us through to at least a steady friendship. You and I both know that any pain I cause is never intentional, and vice versa. You were my decision, and no one else's, and will never regret it, i only regret not knowing how to handle it... because until they see what i see, feel what i felt, until they've seen what i saw, they'll never understand why i never left.

4. I've told you before that your one of a kind in my life, and though we have our differences and we've made our mistakes with each other, I'm glad i chose to to trust your friendship, the way i did. I only hope that you understand were I am as of late and hang on to the ridiculous times we have, and the serious talks that get me through my day sometimes. I hope i have that same impact on ya ;-) . have faith in us hun! AIP baby...

5. I like the way that you can randomly show affection and appreciation to me, despite ur dissapearances, and mine. I love the way we are together when its just me and you, though i truely think you be having ADD sometimes. Or you just self-centered at time... two of those arent good :-P but, it's been fun and yo son.. maybe we can be more that friends sometime... too hype? yea i think so...

6. From summerstart to the dreaded sisterhood. We're a weirdo duo that get alot well. Though i notice that we act differently towards each other when we're with people, with sisters and when we're by ourselves. But i got nuttin but luv 4 ya. Stop being a stranger devil angel! holla

7. The love of my life. My reason for living. If you left my life too soon, I'd be a complete mess. With just your birth, you brought so much to my heart and life, and i will continue to steer you in the right direction, no matter what. J to the Z, baby.

8. It's a shame that it had to come to this. If it wasn't us complaining about the rape we get in ECS, it was complaining how we get gyped everywhere else. I still dont' understand why this happened, and know that i still think about you, and how much has changed since last year. I only hope our friendship was revolved around one person. Hope to talk to you soon...

9. I remember when I first met you. To this day, our main topic of conversation is alcohol and how much boys suck. It's cool though, i talk enough politics with everyone else lol. Mucho amor 4 ya hun. Let's see where this friendship takes us.

10. At any other time, I would have never let you go, but circumstances have made it that two selfish people need to clean their act before they can add anyone on their agenda. I've never met anyone like you, and it's going to be an interesting relationship we have after this... I do hope their is at least a friendship left over. Your humor and my sarcasm made one uncanny duo. THIS SUCKS! truth be told, I was looking for too much out of you. More than you ready or willing to give. because i guess you licking my balls wasn't enough. lol Its all gravy baby, like old navy! But, dun u dare try to forget me... no way I can let go of that humor!! kcaballoh!

11. If someone woulda asked me two years ago if we'd be in the relationship we're in, I woulda said you was CRAZY.... DERANGED!!! but we're here, and a few million psycho analysis later, we're closer than we've ever been. Your still the same weirdo i met freshman year, but i've grown to luv ya for it :-D. I hope you appreciate our late night talks as i have. Let's hope we stick to our guns and give in to temptation!! DO IT! Suck on this cigarette my darling! Life is shit, get to know this!!

12. For years, we've had tough times, but somehow we manage to forgive each other and keep each other as friends. WE'VE been through shit. lol. ttyl hun, promise.

13. Lucky number 13. Shit man, what the fuck else can I say about you buddy? Your my brother. I hate you!! but i love you!! Ah~ wat a torn feeling. lol. What else can we expect in the remainder of the year? I can say this: I can't see myself going through all this without you. aw, tears :-). It all makes sense. MUAHZ~ ::presses thumbs::

14. The first, the only. I hope one day our lives can intertwine again. But until then.... good luck sweetie. I will always love you.

15. Since the halls of Tech, to the hills of the Cuse... we've been through mucho and have a special relationship. ;-) make me proud boy!!



Hee hee..... that's my piece. I've now officially waste a bunch of time. :-D